Download PDF The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us
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The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us
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- Sales Rank: #1594199 in Books
- Published on: 1900
- Binding: Paperback
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
It Takes Two To Toxic
By Fiona � Dochartaigh
The author has come up with an interesting practical theory that makes sense of the affinity of two people.The law of the magnet is ~ opposing energies are attracted to one another and same or like energies repel each other.
In order to fully appreciate Ross Rosenberg's work the reader needs to have a certain amount of psychological mindedness:a capacity for analytical self-examination,introspection and self insight, the reader needs to be able to acknowledge the links between current problems with others and what happened to him/her in the past.
Our subconscious makes us want to get a replica of our parent(s) or childhood caretaker so finally we can win their love/get the love we never got/resolve the unresolved disappointments of childhood etc.We are drawn to what we are familiar with at a deep unconscious level, a computer-like program in our brain pushes us toward repetitions of dynamics we are accustomed to,the person responds with a familiar behaviour pattern its the same pattern we established with the parent/caretaker such familiarity is grounded in infancy.Once we have found someone who reminds us of the parent/childhood caregiver who damaged us intense feelings of aliveness,wholeness and exhilaration arise.
The subconscious has emotionally triggered you into the love state by perceiving a resemblance to your first bond - the feeling is along the lines of... 'yippee you have the power to make me whole again,I trust you,its safe to attach'.
This person will have a similar 'wounding' to you although they will be expressing it in a markedly different way.For example, if a family of origin programs someone to attach intensely to others and to function in a helpless,needy and indecisive way, she will likely select a partner who attaches with the exact same level of intensity, but likes to direct others and make their decisions for them. Parallel wounding can lead to a powerful bond - in psycho dynamic terms the couple has what is known as similar failed developmental stages and complementary opposite defensive organization, this most often leads to some seriously unhealthy chemistry-crucially,people who are considered emotional manipulators and people who are considered self sacrificers were both acclimated,during their formative childhood years,to a depriving environment,they come from the same mentality of 'lack' which is why they are such a perfect match for each other.Ending up with a hurtful partner has everything to do with your subconscious mind. On a conscious level, we think we are going after the partners who will make us feel that conscious definition of love but, our subconscious mind (the one that is in charge of our instant biochemical attraction to someone) which is much more primal and tends to rule our emotions, only allows us to become attracted to someone who fits it's definition of love.Your mind automatically links any associations you have with home, with what love is supposed to feel like, your subconscious compels you towards partners who satisfy those associations you have with love. Your subconscious mind takes you back to your childhood home. So this is how it works, if love equals home and home equals emotional psychological self abandonment then love equals abandonment and unmet needs.
If you are looking for a book that offers consolation and comfort for having got involved with a jerk/bitch/scumbag/loser this is not the book for you,if you like being puffed up & told what an awesome,lovely empath you are and how you carry zero blame for getting involved with a hurtful person do not buy this book because you will likely feel very confused and dissatisfied.If you are ready to take a very honest and brave look at yourself and admit you too had a role in the direction that your relationship went in...this book will prove helpful to you.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Being hurt and you feel hopeless? Start here.
By Not Just A Blonde
This book is an amazing first step in recognizing the dysfunction within your relationship with someone with a personality disorder that doesn't or can't change and continues to hurt you again and again. It is also can be helpful to recognize that you don't have it so bad! Haha!
I do feel like other unhealthy partners or patterns could be included (such as the chronically depressed/irritable or generally self-centered partner) but overall the positive message resonates for many. Definitely recommend this book if you suspect your partner is borderline, narcissistic, or an addict. Even if they aren't (like my situation) it was a very good book that I have recommend to others.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
One Star
By katherine godiksen
Awful!
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